I Want Life in Every Word to the Extent That It’s Absurd
I don’t really believe it either.
But it’s true, and if you allow yourself that one moment where your cynicism hides, allow yourself a tingle of hope, an openness to try something new because, well, what’s the worst thing that could happen? It’s worth a try. Because, suspend disbelief for just a minute, dreams do come true.
Oh, I know, I know. It sounds ridiculous. She’s out of her mind, reciting trite cliches without any idea of what reality is, the harsh ruins and disappointments and failures of it, it’s not all pastels and bright light and soft dresses and cute girls with bangs. Glitz and glamor and how it is in the movies, it doesn’t happen like that.
Don’t I know. All the heartbreak and unexpected twists and things that did come out of a movie, but not in scripted beauty but in absurdity, and not always at all in a good way. But suspend that for a moment, won’t you? Just for a moment. I know all about that just as well. But I know about this too.
This, if you will yourself to believe it. Close your eyes and feel it, whatever it is that you’re desperately after. Is it a job, a boy, an escape? Can you see the skyline glittering in the distance, feel the gum studded pavements beneath your steps, the strangers and sights you’ll be immersed in? Can you feel his touch on your skin, his lips against yours, the fluttering sensations of your heart, the butterfly heartbeats that encircle you, the smile that’ll light up your face when you’re together? Can you touch the worlds outside of this one, the dazzling terrains, the little details like footprints on the sand, the drifting of clouds in an unfamiliar sky, a foreign tongue, an exotic adventure?
You can. And if you’re convinced, so so convinced that when you think of it, your inside burn with a longing, and if you let yourself wrap your lips and mind and body around that passion, that need, and turn it into knowing, knowing that it will be yours, knowing that everything you’ve pictured will happen. If not exactly like the way it is in your head, close enough, that you won’t mind, that you’ll only sit and marvel and with eyes burning you’ll see it happen.
Trust me. And keep that conviction alive, when you do anything you need to make it happen. Write cover letters with your heart and not according to a formula, catch the eye of someone who strikes an impression, buy a ticket out of here, but not just that: send out these letters, and follow ups and ones after that and that to get what you want, approach the one you want, smile, say hello, I like you, buy a plane, train, bus ticket. Even just for a day. Even if it’s just a fantasy.
It’s a fantasy you’ll soon turn into reality. And not because it’s scientific or proven by psychological studies, not because this is what cheery false self-improvement books are made of, not because it sounds pretty and easy but because what do you have to lose just to try, to believe, to go after what you want. Because I’ve seen it happen, I’ve made it happen, and there is no muddled mind proclaiming help from higher powers or magical fulfillment, this is how it happens, and it is always how it happens. The surprises and breakthroughs, even the failures and disasters, it is all part of this. So give in to it, feed it, and feel alive.
And, trust me, soon it’ll happen. Exactly as you imagined…but better, brighter, dazzling and dizzying and with so much wonder in its every moment you’ll be marveling at the unreality of life.