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June 10, 2008

I just got up from a nap, one of those afternoon naps you really really need because you stayed up until two in the morning finishing your art history final project (and the final thing you have to do for high school!) and talking with your friends on aim and feeling weirdly elated by the end of the night and not so tired even after taking a shower and listening to music in bed in a while. These afternoon naps that can only happen when you know you have the day completely open and free and you fall asleep for a few hours and drift in and out of consciousness and dreams and other realities.

I dreamt of Berkeley and fuck–I should have gotten up sooner and written sooner because already, now, it’s fading away. There was an ice cream shop next door that sold ice cream meant to be had in bed and it looked and sounded like the most delicious thing ever but somehow I refused and inside the staircase led up to something and a man with a gun or something, so I ran back down.

Strange dreams, strange waking up and wondering if I should sleep longer and what time it was and what day of the week it was. I like times like that. And upon waking up, thinking and hoping and waiting.

Tomorrow is my last day of high school. There’s no sense of closure, no extreme joy or anticipation. Today at school it was quiet–most people signing yearbooks and playing quiet card games. Me listening to my ipod and reading my book and imagining, imagining in my other world and other realities. I’m really not going to miss it, any of it.

I am so ready to live in those dreams. it feels like life won’t really be happening until summer and going to places and finally going to new york. It’s so close yet so far. I’m going to make a list of things I want to do over the summer and this summer I will do them, because I must, because I have to start and now.

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