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April 9, 2008

get me away from here, I’m dying.

I thought this would stop being relevant once, you know, college acceptances came around. I thought that life would become magically easier and wonderful after that. Everything would work out exactly the way it should–there would be no indecision, no fear and doubts, no financial concerns. The last few months I’d spend in San Diego would be indulging myself and surrounding myself with my friends and doing all the things I love, while preparing and waiting for that threshold into the life I’ve always dreamed of.

Obviously, life doesn’t work like that. And now, just as much as before, I find myself repeating this song, this mantra. Only without the conviction and optimism of a beautiful future, so much as reassurance, and protection against disappointment. At the very least, I tell myself, I’ll have this. I’ll believe in happy endings and always cry at endings. It’s so relevant. Now, before, always.

But–where is the part, when the boy, with the winning smile and naivety succeeds?

This is no declaration, I just thought I’d let you know, goodbye.

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